The Twin Cities Rainbow Chaser

moving across the country…to discover what God has in store

Thanks, but no thanks.

I am currently living in an awkward situation…and, I enter into this awkward situation every time I return home and attend church.  You see, I go to Sunday School.  And, I have this teacher in my Sunday School class.  Who is this teacher?  None other than my father.  He’s a fabulous man.  I love him and I enjoy spending time with him.  But…there’s this problem.  He is conservative.  Some would say “stuck in the mud” conservative.  OH!…wait.  I say that.  Having grown up in the same house with this man, I know most of his opinions.  I don’t relish the thought of sitting in a room with him for an hour…an hour that is his…where he can speak as he pleases.  This man is not shy about sharing how he feels about anything from homosexuality to tattoos to jihad.  He is entitled to his own opinion.  It’s not as though I want to deny him the right to his own opinion.  But, I feel as though my right to an opinion is being denied.

Because I know exactly how my father stands on many of these hot button issues, I feel that my opinion doesn’t matter.  In some ways, I guess it matters.  It matters that my opinion is exactly the same as his.  But…I don’t think that means that I get to have my own important opinion.

This is not to say that I feel incredibly different from my father.  I believe that God designed a man to be with a woman.  Just look at the anatomy.  And, I think that jihad, a type of war, is bad in most circumstances.  But, what if Christians were to say that they were in a “spiritual war”?  How is that different from Muslims feeling that their religion is being attacked?  That they are at war?  I’m not saying that I want to convert to Islam…but, I think that each person on this earth is entitled to believe however he or she chooses to believe.  I see no reason to push my views on the world.

Why?  Because each person deserves to have their own opinion.  Unfortunately, many people in the world do not feel this way.  And, a lot of the time, I think that my father is one of those people.  All I want to do is figure out what I believe.  I already know what he believes.  Believe you me…I know all too well.

I want to be able to ask questions and not have HIS answers shoved down my throat.  He nearly jumped down my throat a couple of weeks ago when I made a comment about conservatism in the South.  “Well, what’s wrong with that?”  I kind-of skipped past that answer and on to a different lunch time discussion topic.  Maybe going to a liberal arts school has fried my brain.  But, I really think that going to a “religious” school would have done the same thing to me.  I have questions.  Can’t anyone let me find the answers on my own?

(This is as close to I get to “free writing”…I didn’t even reread the whole thing.  Sorry for any massive typos.)

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Where I’m Coming From

Perhaps before I beginning spilling my heart out about where I am in my life right now, I should give you a bit of background.  Please be warned: it will be rather general (I have a fear of online creepers).  I’m sure there are plenty of other warnings that I should give but…that’s the only one that comes to mind at the moment.

Okay…let’s start with my grandpa: he was a pastor.  There.  Enough about grandparents.  My parents met at a Bible study for singles.  I was baptized as a baby…at my grandmother’s church.  There are pictures and a cute little announcement to prove it.  I was practically raised in a church.  When I was six years old, I did that thing that lots of Christians like to call “walking the aisle” but, in reality, makes no sense out in the real world.  So, I shall elaborate.  I walked down the church aisle, talked to the pastor for a few minutes, and then he announced that I had accepted Christ as my Savior.  I know that my dad talked with me before The Walk happened but, I have no idea what we talked about.

What I do remember, though, is being so happy that day.  I’d like to think that it was God’s power coursing through my veins and filling me with a new type of joy.  But, I’m beginning to have my doubts…again.  You see, when you do something this big at age six, there’s not a lot to go back and reflect on.  I have never had an obvious God-experience, where all of a sudden my life made a 180 turn and everything became clear.  Nothing like that.  There was one little thing…but, I’m even beginning to question that now.

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