The Twin Cities Rainbow Chaser

moving across the country…to discover what God has in store

Revisiting My Fear of the Box

Dream series

a glimpse into MY dreams

A year ago, my life was topsy turvy.  I had no plans and that was terrifying.  I was banking on one program: a teaching assistantship in France.  When I didn’t get into the program (I found out in early April), I was heartbroken and wrote:

“I had just known in my head and my heart that it was so right for me!  I wasn’t ready for graduate school or a “grown-up” job.  I just needed someplace to go for a year while I cleared my head.  It was the perfect scenario–go teach in France for a year and come back with a fresh outlook on my life.  But God broke my heart.”

The topsy turvy nature of my life continued for several more months until, like when a woman’s water breaks, everything started happening.  I interviewed for a tutoring organization in Minnesota and, within a month, I had moved to Minnesota.  God gave me exactly what I need: a year to go someplace and clear my head!  The move was less than unexpected (I didn’t even remember applying for the position with AmeriCorps!)

*sidenote: I’m back in that coffee shop.  The conversation that I get to overhear?  Learning about someone’s experience with a c-section*

Anyways, I jumped into the unexpected and trusted that God had something in store for me.  Boy, did I ever underestimate Him!  Looking back and looking forward (yeah–I’m talented like an owl), I can see how this is exactly what I needed this year.  In many ways, France would have been easy.  I doubt that I would have had the honor to work with kids from refugee families, living at or below poverty level, and who don’t speak English at home.  I wouldn’t have developed a throbbing passion to work in the early childhood field, preparing three and four year olds for the world that is public education.  The classrooms that have surrounded me this year have given me more direction that I have ever had.  And more importantly, I feel that God is in that direction.  He’s right here with me, pointing me there!

looking back

looking back

I had a specific purpose when I started this blog post…and it was to look forwards more and backwards less.  But this reflection on the past year has been refreshing.  I’ll save the thoughts on all of the tomorrows for another day.  You aren’t going to want to miss it.  Let’s just say…I’m pretty sure that I’m not in the box.

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A “Welcome Summer” Rain

I looked for a rainbow today, literally.  After I sat around doing mostly nothing after church this morning, I finally decided (at 6:30 pm) that I should return a RedBox movie that I rented last night (One for the Money–not Katherine Heigl’s greatest work).  Instead of hopping in my car and driving two blocks to a gas station, I decided to walk.  The only problem with this decision was the sound of nearing thunder and the scent of impending rain.  Despite these warning signs, I grabbed an umbrella and headed out.

I never had to open the umbrella, despite the drops that had begun to fall by the time I had the disc returned and had turned homeward.  It was a light, cool rain that marred my shirt and the road.  It had the scent of spring, despite the 80+ degree weather that we have had for the past month.  Although the sun was not shining brightly, I decided to glance around on the off chance that a rainbow decided to make an appearance.  Sadly, there was no rainbow to be found.

On the plus side, God spurred me forward in my chase during church this morning.  The sermon was on praying, something that, despite my strongest protestations, I struggle to do.  I could walk upstairs and get my notes, making this post much more reliable…instead, I am going to opt to dig into my brain and give you the pieces that have remained fast in there.

One of the greatest things that my pastor said was that prayer is a privilege.  How honored are we that the Ruler, Creator, Master of the universe would choose to converse with us?  I am merely a jobless, future-less, plan-less college alum who is about to move back in with my parents.  And yet, God makes a point to reach out and touch me in more ways than I can even say.  He gives me the quiet, “welcome summer” rain.  He has given me a few close friends who do not mock my lost-ness.  He has surrounded me with people who say they will pray for me and encourage me to keep pursuing his will.

Ahh–His will.  This is something else that is in my mind from this morning’s sermon.  People talk about pursuing God’s will…yeah, just like I did.  But as long as we are living as He has called, then we are already in His will!  It is not some wild goose chase; instead, it is something that we do on a day to day basis.  Therefore, I must put aside my concerns.

I do not have to search for His Will.  He has it and that is sufficient.

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Telling Doubt to “Shut Up!”

Would you like to hear something very sad?  The pastor of the church I am currently attending is sick…well, recovering from an oober infection.  So, he has not been in church for the past several weeks.  This means that various members of the church have been presenting the “sermon” over the past several weeks.  Last week, the lead guy in the worship team presented a “sermon”/lesson/devotion…yeah.  He shared story of Jesus walking on water from Matthew 14.  He shared this story and then moved on to a few points.  But, there is one that kind of stuck with me.

When we let doubt slip into our mind, we have a tendency to start sinking.  I completely understand this concept.  I started classes last week…and I’ve still been putting in 20-30 hours at work per week…and I started working on the school paper…and I’m on leadership for this other organization…and…good grief, it never ends.  This would all be fine and dandy if everything could remain calm and organized.  Does anything ever stay calm and organized?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.  It defies the laws of nature…like Murphy’s…or something like that (if anything can go wrong, it will…right?).  Anyways, enough science mumbo jumbo (I love how, after one sentence, I’m just done with it…I tried to help my roommate with her physics homework tonight…it was better than my econ homework).  So…parentheses killed my train of thought.

Little things start to go wrong…either I forget to do a homework question, or I miss a quiz question, or I don’t get an e-mail that I’m waiting for.  Those little things have no right to mess up my life.  Unfortunately, those little things weasel their way into my brain and begin to eat away at my self-confidence, but more importantly, at my reliance on God.  I like to think that I am strong and independent.  But without God, I am nothing.

I must never doubt that, no matter what kinds of weasels are living in my brain, God IS in control.  I have to tell doubt to “shut up” and get out of my brain…no weasels for me.  I’m more of a cat person.

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