The Twin Cities Rainbow Chaser

moving across the country…to discover what God has in store

Alternate Perspective

ImageThe other day, I sat in a coffee shop for two hours with a friend.  (Never in my life have five months left me feeling  comfortable and confident in calling someone a “friend”.)  Our conversation ranged from the current state of education, cross-country skiing plans, and our plans for the future.  I chuckle at that last one because neither of us have any concrete plans.  

I do know, however, what I don’t want to be doing in the future.  My friend was careful to suggest that living in the negative could be a risky endeavor.  Her advice was appreciated and, clearly, has been present in my mind.  But there is just so much that I fear in my future…because of my past.  I’m always concerned about the way that other people are going to look at me and think…

High School: She was the teacher’s pet.  Everything she did was perfect, of course.  None of the teachers would ever criticize her because her parents might get pissed off and go after them.  She slid by on her parents’ reputation and never did anything worthy of note.  In five years, she’s going to be back here working in the elementary school in her mom’s old classroom.  Her life will end up right back where it started…but with more cats because she’s scared of boys.    

ImageCollegeThis chick is such a cliche!  She goes to the Christian club all the time and is super-nice to everyone.  Everything she does is “perfect” and she can’t disappoint anyone.  She’s going to graduate and get a job here in Springfield probably.  She’ll work in one of the elementary schools for the rest of her life.  Maybe she could do more, but she thinks too small.  Oh wait…she doesn’t want to be a teacher?  She’s screwed.  She’ll probably move back home and work at a gas station.  Or maybe a farm.  There are farms in Arkansas, right?

Now: So, this girl moved from Arkansas, or Missouri kind-of.  And she’s doing AmeriCorps for a year.  Why would someone move to Minnesota to do AmeriCorps when PeaceCorps could have been an option?  It’s kind-of lame, ya know?  It’s like she’s afraid of moving on out into the real world.  Is she going to move back home after her year here is over?  Weak!

The way I see it, the whole world has an opinion about my choices.  And their opinions are critical.  Nothing that I have done is especially worthy of criticism.  But on the flip side, nothing that I have done is especially risky.  So where does that leave me?  Conflicted.  

Nothing new there.

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My Story…Today, at least

Friday was rough.  I was facing my future and it was a terrifying prospect.  I dread the next five months (I’ll be student teaching…and I no longer want to be a teacher).  And beyond that, well I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.  So, obviously there is a lot of terror–known and unknown!  But then I came across Psalms 121 (thank you awesome Facebook friends!).  For some reason, my favorite part was verse 6: “the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.”  That really spoke to me: God isn’t going to set you up to be miserable.  I found such relief in that verse.

All right, that was kind-of random, right?  Well, I have to open up my heart and let those fears and the comfort that I found in that verse out (that sentence was awkward–sorry).  I am a part of this Christian organization on campus…and a part of the leadership.  We’ve been talking about how we want to become closer to one another, the other members in the group.  Part of that is opening up and just being real, or authentic (that’s the name of the group–Authentic).  I’m not very good at opening up or being real.  I like to keep things in, especially the scary things and the things that are emotional.  But tonight, we are just sharing.  It’s called “Your Story.”  We’re all supposed to show up with a verse in mind and be prepared to talk about how it’s impacted our life.  If I was just any other member, I wouldn’t really have to talk.  But as a part of leadership, it’s kind-of expected…especially since I am probably the “least known” member of leadership (I’m the only senior…I’m quiet…I live off-campus…etc).  This sense of community is important.  It is what we are all about…but it’s terrifying.  To share my burdens and my fears.  I don’t want people to know that I am weak and that I am terrified of what is to come in my life.  Tonight though…I’m ready to share.

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God is Good

February 25th…wow, talk about an epic fail at blogging.  But, I have an excuse–kind-of.  I don’t really like to make excuses.  Just explanations.  So, an explanation: look at my planner.  The sky begins falling right around, hmm, February 25th.  Yep.

The assignments began piling up.  Spring break ran me over.  Extra-curricular responsibilities threatened my sanity.  Life was CHAOTIC.  And now, here I am: in finals week.  I have three things to do this week: presentation, test, piano jury.  There are five days in the week: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday . All three of my things occur on one of those days: Wednesday.  Can’t they be spread out?

No.   That’s enough of the wining.  That’s all I have done for the past week.  I just need to smile and be happy…but it’s hard to be happy when I’m losing a roommate!  That is sad.  She’s transferring next semester, so it’ll just be two of us in an off-campus apartment next semester.  The one that is leaving is the one who keeps us grounded…life might get a bit crazy.

But we can do it!  I am so blessed just to be able to live off-campus…finally.  We a snazzy young lady that I enjoy hanging out with.  And, we’re going to have a great landlord.  The whole process has been–and continues to be hectic.  But, ya know what?  Life is good.

Life is what you make it and I choose to make it good…because God is good.

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