The Twin Cities Rainbow Chaser

moving across the country…to discover what God has in store

Disordered Me

on November 11, 2010

Trust…that’s what my last blog post was about…that was over a month ago.  I wrote that on a particularly good day.  I don’t remember all of the circumstances, but I’m sure that they included a pretty empty week (i.e. no tests), cool weather, a nice breeze, and the perfect pot of coffee.  I haven’t had many days like that lately.  I haven’t had a “pretty empty” week in a while.  I had a presentation, a test, and a paper last week.  This week, I’ve had a presentation, a quiz (worth 30-50 points), a paper, and tomorrow I have two tests.  So…what am I doing “wasting” precious study time writing this random blog post that no one is going to read?

I have no stinkin’ idea…well, maybe an idea…I’m not sure about its stink-factor, though.  Last night, I had a conversation with God.  I’m just going to practice trust and be perfectly honest with you.  That was the first REAL conversation that I’ve had with him in a while.  So, what constitutes a “REAL” conversation with God?  Well…let’s just say that I wasn’t doing all of the talking.  I was actually being still and quiet and trying to hear what He really want me to hear…instead letting my obsessively logical mind do all of the talking.  I think part of my problem is that I have several characteristics of a couple of personality disorders (one of my roommates is currently in a class called Abnormal Psychology).  #1: Schizoid personality disorder.  Google it if you really want to know…then read some of my other posts…specifically the one on Trust.  #2: Obsessive compulsive personality disorder.  Not OCD, but OCD-ish.  And, I’ve always said that I have OCD-ic tendencies.  So, it fits…in my mind.  Google it if you really want to know more.  The problem when I was having this conversation with God arose from the OCPD: letting other people have control.

I like to do things the way I like to do things.  Group projects are pure torture because I have to trust other people and let them do things their way.  I have to let them have some control.  I can’t delegate.  We need to do a handout?  I’ll do that.  PowerPoint?  Why don’t I do that too…and the six page paper…I’ll knock that out too.  That’s pretty much how group meetings go when I’m involved.

So, that being said…you can get an idea of how the conversation with God went last night.  He wants to have control over my life but…I like running the show myself.  For some reason, I think that I can do a better job than He can.  But, ya know, He has a lot more experience with the whole “life running” thing.


Tell me about your rainbow chase!

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