The Twin Cities Rainbow Chaser

moving across the country…to discover what God has in store

Friends…Why?

on August 20, 2010

I’ve already shared about my painfully complicated relationship with my family.  So, now I shall share a bit about my relationships with my friends.  This should be a much more upbeat blog posting about how meaningful my friends are and how important they are in my day-to-day survival.  But…I can’t do that.  Why?

It’s complicated…like my relationships with my family.  Big surprise.  I’m going to start by telling you that I do have friends.  I have three friends, in particular, that would rank up there under “best”.  One of these is my best friend from high school…thankfully we are still in contact.  For the past month or so we’ve been able to spend a fair amount of time together re-bonding after these first two years of college.  To simplify this, I’m just going to call her B.

B and I have been friends since fourth or fifth grade.  Since then, our relationship has been based on our church interactions.  Going to Wednesday night services, mission trips, prayer groups…that’s how we stayed friends.  At school, we ran in two different circles:  She was a band geek and I was just…a geek.

I didn’t realize until I got to college that I had pretty much grown up in her shadow.  Many people in church thought of her when something needed to get done.  She was the person on stage…playing clarinet, leading a devotional, singing.  I was always in the background…designing a newsletter, typing up a PowerPoint, singing soprano in the back of the choir.  So, there were times when I felt a little…under appreciated.  Going to college and developing a reputation of my own was good for me, in regards to that relationship.

I missed her, though.  We did a pathetic job of keeping in touch for the first year of college.  Reconnection occurred that first summer.   We lost touch when we went back to school though.  This summer, reconnection again occurred.  And, I have loved every minute of it.  But, I wonder…I was perfectly fine without her friendship while I was at school.  So, do I really need it now?

Maybe I just survived at school because I made friends at school.  That would be a pretty solid argument but, I spent the whole first semester alone more or less.  Sure I hung out with some girls from my hall and I slowly began a friendship.  For the most party though, I was flying solo or at least barely hanging on to a fragile relationship.  I even went through this little episode that lasted a few weeks where I decided that I just didn’t need friends.

Last year though, I had friends…really good friends, those other two “best friends” that I mentioned earlier.  There were days when I felt, again, that I didn’t need friends, those days when they were off involved in their biology-ish activities (they’re both biology majors…I’m an education major).  For the most part though, I was more or less happy with being a person who had friends!

There is still that little part of me though who wouldn’t mind flying through life solo.  Some days friendships seem like more trouble than they’re worth.  You have to give and get…and none of it is ever equal!  For example, right now I’m getting frustrated with my two college friends.  We’ll be living in house together next year, just the three of us, and there is so much that goes into a process like this.  We need stuff for the kitchen, and bathroom, and living room…plus, I have to figure out what to do with my bedroom.  I’m getting flustered just preparing to move in!  Is the frustation stemming from friendships worth it?

Is it possible to have a full and happy life without close friendships?  I can make myself happy when I am alone…don’t let your dirty mind run rampant.  I go out to dinner.  I watch cheesy movies.  I read sappy books.  I cook…well, I try to cook.  But, I’ve never been on my own for more than a few days.  I don’t know how long I can sustain that contentedness.  All I know is that I want to sustain it.  I want to be out on my own without a care for anyone else.

Is that coldhearted?  I don’t know.  Is a life of “loneliness” what God has in mind for humans?  Maybe…but deep down, I guess I know that that answer is “no”.  God created woman because it was not good for man to be alone, or something like that.

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